The Middle of Middle Age

So I've been thinking a lot lately about this getting old thing.  Did you know Ferris Bueller's Day Off premiered thirty years ago??  Wow, no wonder Matthew Broderick has been looking so old lately - he IS old. And I guess that means I am too.  I'm not ready for it and have been fighting it kicking and screaming for quite awhile I guess without really noticing I was doing it, if that makes sense.

When I really stop and take a look at my life I realize I am smack dab in the middle of middle age.  I've been dying my hair since my early twenties but have noticed over the past several years that when my roots start showing, there's a LOT of grey there.  Also what's with all the hair in the drain??  And suddenly my hands are all wrinkled.  When I pass a mirror I just don't recognize the old woman looking back at me.

My Mother died suddenly the day before Thanksgiving three years ago and I know this railing against age, and surely mortality, is just another step in the grieving process.  I am very aware these days of how quickly any of us can just be gone, without notice to ourselves or anyone else.  My Mom was 21 years older than me and I'm just not ready for my life to be over 21 years from now.  (I know that's a silly way to put it but its what I've been thinking these past months.)  I've always felt I had so much time to accomplish whatever I wanted and, aside from birthing and raising that sweet child who is now an awesome adult woman and marrying very satisfyingly the second time around, I find myself contemplating the fact that I don't really have much to show for my first 49 years. 

So there it is.  These hippie feet are traveling down a road that is stretching out a long way behind me.  I'm walking a bit more slowly these days but I'm surely still moving forward.  Some days, like today, that's enough. 

Angela